April 20, 2023_To Myself Now.

I know it kills you that you will probably never get an apology from them. So I will be the one to apologize to you. 

I'm sorry that you let the wrong one in. I'm sorry they didn't see how precious your heart is. 

I'm sorry that you feel deceived by who they pretended to be. 

I'm sorry that you questioned yourself when you're simply someone who wants to give others a chance. 

I'm sorry they didn't hear your voice. I'm sorry you feel embarrassed and ashamed. 

I'm sorry that you are scared of what the future holds for you. I'm sorry people lie. 

I'm sorry someone preyed on your vulnerabilities. 

I'm sorry they tainted the concept of love for you. 

I'm sorry they don't respect your boundaries. 

I'm sorry you didn't respect your boundaries. 

I'm sorry you keep quiet to keep the peace. 

I'm sorry you had to beg for the bare minimum. 

I'm sorry you never came first. 

I'm sorry you feel used. I'm sorry for all of it

I promise you that there are people out there who will understand the language of your heart and what you have been through and they will show you so much patience and understanding while you heal. 

I promise you that your feelings, your anxiety, and your trauma are not a burden to the ones who love you and I promise you that you are capable of giving and receiving love despite it all.

I wish you could see just how worthy you are of good things, genuine love, deep connections, of happiness

I wish you could escape your mind just for one moment and see everything you deserve because once you see it, once you feel it, you can't deny that is real.

You are worth so much more than the way you've been made to feel in the past, and your past experience does not define your future or your ability to be loved the right way, to be loved at all.

I hope you find it in yourself to open up your heart again, just a little more each day, and let a little bit of love back in.

I hope that in doing so you begin to see all the things that are meant for you finding their way to you, and I hope you acknowledge that you are worthy of it all.

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